Christ Community Church

Why I hate spray glitter at weddings!

• It’s hard (almost) impossible to clean up.
• It spreads to people who don’t feel the need to sparkle (like me).
• It’s probably responsible for most of our office computer failures.
• It’s inhaled and some women’s lungs will eventually turn to shiny chunks of plastic.
• It’s false advertising … girls don’t actually sparkle.

Okay, that list contains three levels of complaint:

Spurious Complaints:  I don’t know if women will ever need to be treated for life-threatening cases of Glitterosis. But is it smart to inhale miniscule particles of glue-coated metallized Mylar? What about propelling it at your face at 309 cubic centimeters per second?  I also can’t prove that those airborne particles get sucked into my computer causing nefarious connections, but it might explain why my PC so often seems possessed.

Semi-Serious Complaints: It’s bad enough that brides regularly glitterize the church parlor against church policy, but what really bothers me is that it spreads … to me. Trying to get glitter off your black suit is harder than getting a cellphone away from a teenager. It’s easier to remove a tattoo than get glitter off your cheek. I don’t know what it is about glitter, but if it gets on my face it will eventually end up in my eye. So if you see my eye twitching all through a wedding, blame the bride.

Substantive Complaint: It just seems like false advertising … women don’t naturally sparkle. God could have created women with tiny deposits of metal in their pores … but he didn’t (even here, you should hear a playful tone in my voice). But seriously, why do brides want to sparkle? Maybe it’s an unconscious adoption of a societal trend. Maybe Christian brides are just mimicking what they see in bridal magazines. If that’s the case, I would encourage brides to buck the trend and dump the glitter. Our country’s wedding industry has gone insane in its attempts to embellish, augment and otherwise dramatize the wedding and in particular, the role of the bride. One result is brides so absorbed in details of pageantry that they have little emotional focus left for the act of being married.  Let’s put the focus back where it belongs. The God of the universe, in response to the bride and groom’s pledges of faithfulness, weaves two souls together in the miracle called marriage. The act of Christian marriage is so utterly amazing that it doesn’t need glitter.

I need to finish with two disclaimers: 1). Many couples, that I’ve seen recently, seem to be heading in the right direction. I’ve been greatly encouraged by a move toward weddings that are services of worship with a more intentional focus on God. 2). Some girls do sparkle … without glitter. The glow comes from within. Future brides, let me suggest an alternative. You can start on this even if you’re twelve and just dreaming about that someday wedding. Start applying the holy glitter of godly character. I guarantee it will show on your face and it won’t wear off.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment,

such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 

Instead, it should be that of your inner self,

the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,

which is of great worth in God’s sight.

1 Peter 3:3-4

Jon Wiziarde
Pastor of Adult Ministries

Please send any comments or questions to jwiziarde@ccczion.org.